Planet Paige, March 15, 2009
Dee Dee Myers’ book Why Women Should Rule the World has recently come out in paperback, for those of you who would like to know the answer but weren’t willing to commit $25 for it.
No, I still haven’t read it. Which brings us to the No. 1 reason why I am not currently ruling the world: I don’t have the time.
Bug I have been briefed on the book, much as a world leader might be. Myers was the first woman to be named White House press secretary, at age 31. And, more important, she was a consultant for TV’s “The West Wing.”
She argues that: “Women tend to be better communicators, better listeners, better at forming consensus.”
Myers does not think that we are equal to men. She thinks that we are different, and better. Politics would be more collegial, businesses would be more productive, communities would be healthier, and so on.
But I worry she might have overlooked some important points. I don’t have a book deal (yet!), but I do have a few opinions on why women should rule the world.
1. It’s our turn.
Let’s not overthink this. Men have had their shot, and it was a noble experiment. But it failed. And, when it comes to being comfortable with power, I hate to play the “we can create life” card, but . . . we can create life!
2. Women are more effective at war.
Myers says that, if women ruled the world, there’d be no war. As mothers, we’d never let our sons go off and kill each other. Maybe. But if “Mean Girls” taught us anything, it’s that females might be less violent than men, but they are far more vicious. Female serial killers, for instance, tend to use poison rather than guns or knives. A man will punch you in the face. A woman will discreetly start a rumor campaign, destroy your self-esteem, scorch the earth and make you cry. Imagine that on a global scale.
3. Women mature faster than men.
That gives us a head start, and men never really catch up.
4. Women have faster blood flow to the brain than men.
That’s got to be good for something.
5. Women have better peripheral vision.
We usually see it coming.
6. Women smell better.
Seems like that would be an asset in negotiating world peace.
7. Women are better at finding common ground.
When we strike up a conversation while in line for the bathroom, it usually leads to lifelong friendship. We can bond over anything, whether it’s sneaking squash into our kids’ mac and cheese or saving the environment.
President Obama really just has basketball to fall back on.
8. Women are master multitaskers.
I am reminded of the “Frank and Ernest” cartoon that noted, “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels.” As I write this, I am Facebooking, Twittering, jotting a “to do” list on the back of my hand, watching back episodes of “Ugly Better,” formulating my own economic policies, gossiping, pretending to care about others, thoroughly evaluating lunch options, updating my resume and hydrating.
Which brings us to the most probable reason that women aren’t running the world: We have better things to do.